Die Young - What A Drag Is Gettin Old

Sometimes i think it would be so much fun to die young like Cobain, Monroe, Curtis, Sedgwick, Achilles, so everybody would only remember us as a young person, never be an old. in our best glory, health, triumph.

but then I think again.....

after I saw this picture of Elizabeth Taylor

she died in age 79. Rest in Peace. look how beauty she is when she was young?

When were young we really like to pissed off about something small unimportant things.

complain to much about this and that. WELL I GUESS THAT SO BORING! I'm so fucked up enough to feel mississued and be a dumb teenager. God, age is too precious to be wasted away.

we often forget that being young is the price itself, the best gift, the glory.

Then were gonna use our age to create act as much as possible. will you? I will.

life just happen for once, we work for what we want. having a good time, be the best version of who we truly really are.

being young is the best feeling ever.

I also read this article I love, check out:

"What a Drag is Getting Old" - ELLE Magazine August 2010

"yang paling menyebalkan dari menjadi tua adalah kenyataan bahwa banyak orang yang ketika sudah tua malah memandang rendah mereka yang lebih muda. Mentang-mentang ada pepatah pengalaman adalah guru yang paling berharga banyak yg akhirnya setelah merasa tua merasa banyak pengalaman dan paling tau segalanya. Akhirnya mereka merasa paling benar. Saya rasa anda juga pernah merasa muak melihat orang-orang tua yang seperti itu. Sekarang cobna tanya pada diri anda sendiri, pernahkah anda begitu? kalau anda mulai sering mencibir mereka yang lebih muda dan menggangap pilihan mereka tidak bagus: berarti kemungkinan anda sudah menjadi orang tua dan menyebalkan."

"Tidak perlu bunuh diri seperti Kurt Cobain agar dikenang sebagai anak muda. Cukup pola pikir menghargai pendapat atau pandangan mereka yang lebih muda dari kita niscaya akan membuat kita awet muda."

So, die as young.. mind. life is only for once.

finni. xxxo.

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menjadi muda adalah hal terbaik dalam hidup, please jangan menyianyiakan hidup dengan keluhan dan kesedihan yang tidak perlu, hidup cuma sekali, nikmati dengan menjadi versi diri kamu yg terbaik terus berusaha untuk mencapai  apa yg kamu mau, dan stop memandang remeh pola pikir orang lain.  stay young in your mind. xx - thanks for reading.

Chapter-22 NEVER give up Your Dream

I can smell the rain before it drops, but I can't watch it fall
I can feel the sun on my face, but I can't see it rise or set
I want to see the world like everyone else
to see the rain, the sun
and music..
Oh I bet music looks beautiful ..



finni xoxo

21 Years is Enough - Secret Which Makes Me Happy Today

I have promise to be happy, I would made my promise. I have been spending 21 years consumed with traumatic and hurts, I'm done with it. I want to change.

Some people are just happy. I don't know how they could be like that but I always jealous. When you ask me about my past, maybe all I could remember is that how much I've been irritated by hurt and trauma. I always think why it happend to me, but maybe I'm the one who make it happened. I'm the one who over drama about live. I've raised with the idea to be the right person -mungkin itu adalah ide yg bagus, tapi sebenarnya menyakitkan- when I did something wrong i used to be blame. and since then I keep blaming myself when things going wasn't like what I want. I keep change. I criticize myself even harder than anyone else, tears are countless. I did everynight. the feeling to be rejected, to be blamed, are poisoning myself so many years. sometimes when I was very vulnerably I punish myself to be strongest. It irritated me to do a wrong thing. I remember when I was in kindergarden, my friends have a bike and because I don't have. when they playing with their bike they told me to run towards them (that was my first impression about friend) kalo temanmu punya barang yg bagus tapi kamu gak punya mereka ga akan peduli kalo kamu sedih atau sakit.
when I was in the elementary school, I even doesn't have any friend. I've got this best mark at school and suddenly everybody is hating me. that time I don't know that they just jealous, all I know is just "why nobody want to be my friend?" -maybe it's the one which make me doesn't really like to show what I really capable of -just a theory- kadang aku berfikir kalo kamu menunjukan semua kemampuan mu bukannya disukai, orang2 malah akan membencimu. but that's NOT TRUE. sayang bgt kalo kmu menyembunyikan kemampuanmu cuma karena takut dibenci orang2 FACT: apapun yg km lakukan orang2 tetap akan membencimu kalau mereka ingin. Junior high school I made bestfriends. I love them more than anyone-even my self. and I falling in love with a boy, very deep, for years. but I never know my bestfriend love him too. they leave me for this guy. lie to me. I feel betrayed. but none of us get with this boy. I honestly don't know what this boy even feeling, it's still mistery till today, haha but I feel really hurt. someone you trust, you love, hurt you lies you. high school- I couldn't remember anything. I feel like dead. all I remember is that I study really hard to get in my college.
I'm not a rich people or come from any enough material background. makan makanan sederhana, memikirkan anggaran. dsb. dari dulu inget banget pengen banget beli barbie, I never bought. well I bought the cheap one haha :) when everyone have enough money to buy anything that I want but doesn't use it well I always think, If I have that I would make the world, haha. so if you have capabilities to have something, appreciate it, some people who need it more couldn't get it. take benefit of your belonging, spend it wise. the last one, I'm in love with a man, love him more than anything, I don't know why. but he leaving me for somebody else. you know I keep blaming myself for that, but the last one really bring a great impact in me, positive. yes might be I cry everyday for year. but I become somebody I never be, braver, stronger, smarter, better. whether being hurt all I wanna say is thankyou honestly.

I write it to forget it. I'm done with 21 years drama. It's true feeling I have ever felt, never ashamed of it, never sorry. you can ask me anytime. aku berterimakasih atas semua kejadian yang membuat aku menjadi seperti sekarang, berterimakasih terhadap semua orang yang membuat ku menjadi orang yg lebih baik. tapi 21 tahun sudah cukup. mulai hari ini dan selanjutnya I completely new person who surround myself with gratitude, positive mind, and want to be better not because any trauma. but because I want it.
thankyou so much for reading. sejujurnya aku gak nyangka kalo ada yg maw baca ini, haha. Tapi bagi siapapun yg baca terimakasi banyak, aku berdoa semoga apa yg aku tulis ini bisa bermanfaat untukmu, amin. dihari2 ku yg lalu aku berharap bgt ada orang yg mau menulis seperti ini. that's my motivation. thankyou somuch love, kiss, hug, world and roses.
recently I love running, it sets me free, relaxing, better than smoking believe me. oh yea I even try smoking, but I quit. It doesn't give me benefit, and I don't have much money to be burn. no, I don't drink or drug. never tried. anyway running makes me happy.

one thing I really love about running: you always move forwad, as best as you can.
today I know that I wasn't perfect but I'm proud to admit my less and my best.
I love you for who you are, finni xoxo

Goodbye Hollywood Hello New York

the city's never sleep, better slip you an ambien..I'm the new Sinatra and since I made it here I can make it anywhere

lights is blinding,
girls need blinders
so they can step out of bounds quick,
the side lines is blind with casualties,
we sip the life casually, then gradually become worse,
New York
concrete jungle where dreams are made of
there's nothing you can't donow you're in New York
these streets will make you feel brand new
the lights will inspire youIf you wish something you have never had, do something you have never done.


welcome to the new chapter of me.
-finni xoxo-

I Give My Love On It

I used to be a good girl pretending to be a bad girl, now seems I'm a bad girl pretending to be a good girl. God I want to stop.

Last Episodes of this Season

heys friends welcome to the new chapter of me! my life, and my blog,
soon and promise I will back with more post, a lots of thing I give my love on it :)
new years, new ideas, fresh things,
anyway kalo aku nulis pake bahasa inggris gini enak dibaca gak ya? honestly I am more comfortable writing in english,
soalnya kalo pake bahasa indonesia artinya rada2 beda dan mikirin kata2nya juga rada lebih rumit, heheany advice? just let me know.

love, kiss, hug. see yaa! :)
finni xoxo

Welcome to the Industry

Soory for lack of updating, I'm finally back. yay,

many things happend that make me down, I'm human like you, we are all laugh and we are all cry like wheels,
now I'm back and here we go
yup what to talk?? haha just kidding,
well I'm grow, we are all grow, are you happy? what kind of live do you have? what kind a live do you want? have you choose? are you sure?

for the past two years,
I live in this I called tiny hollywood :P neighborhood of creativity and arts, of spirit of youth, but also neighborhood, which simply, judge you depends of how good your look, what brand of your shoes, how good is your band, how many friends did you make, oh God aren't you people sick of those things? things which wasn't means anything. there is nothing more important in this world than loving what you do and doing anything only because you love it. most people out there still doing anything only to gain what people's credit, and doing nothing because afraid of people credit.

but beside that in the happy notes, in this little hollywood, I find family, friends, love, passion, goals, everything that really matter,
no mather where are you with how kind of place, people, do what you love and love what you do.
how people see woman? her beauty face? I love woman who have a beauty mind. what about you?see you to the next post!
finni xoxo :D

on the dimmed light darkest night thankyou for waking me up sunshinesomeone who loves you for who you are, how you think, not something that you wear, not your face, not what you do, not what you have, but loving you for your soul. and it's all that matters.

you pull my hand when I almost jump, over me a safest place call arms. very special for me.

Here I am, Open Sand, Walking Eyes

Hi it's been a long time I don't writing a blog, I guess, I've been very busy 24/7 I don't have a day rest. but I'm so glad. I'm 21 now and it was the best birthday I ever had. not because of any celebration, it's the time when I see world with total different perspective. logic. it's the key. I feel really weird when I try to configure the teenager me, I mean I don't get it anymore. she's like stranger to me. so we are all good. when you lookin at yourself a year before and you don't find any difference, it means there is a problem. many people afraid of being who they really are in case of any risk they might afraid of. thanx God I have passed off that level. If anything offer you easy option to become somebody else, say no thankyou and walk your head up. what the hell any risk couldn't affect anything. you have your own identity, when everyone doing something the same get on your own opinion, never do something just because somebody else said it cool, or just because your friend do it so. please.

This month full of the birthday torture ritual me and my workmates

1. we catch the birthday person
2. tight bp and throw rubbish, egg, oil, and other disgusting stuff
3. photo session
4. the bp escape and chasing you
5. even any of your belonging you hide it somewhere to put the dirt revenge
6. haha it was funif there is situation messing your mind get rid of it. if it's people delete their number.

anyway have you ever read magazine and find a girl which saying stop global warming, when seems like they doesn't even know what it means. It doesn't gonna make you look cool darling, unless it coming from your heart. shut up and just get rid the plastic bag. thankyou.
have a nice weekend!
finni xoxo

This day somebody came up to me and talk about how awful the life when apparently there are no act they do with it. I'm sad to hear it. so I guess this post is about perception, people, me. I just kind of disappointed that more people give up their dream, and accepting situation, when they can get better if at least they try. but maybe not everybody wants to get better. sorry for the temper but all I'm trying to say is that life is not pretty unless you try to make it pretty. If we can't survived the lion, we cannot survived the jungle.

I never understand when people is cynically judging, it's not your fault just being who you are. like maybe when they call you loser or when they call me cocky. God give me this face. when you talk to me did I ever try to bite you? well it's explain a lot. I like to hear any kind of story people tell, and say advice from my not so many experience, once it's needed. but not story who pooring theirself! I'm sad to hearing them who never learn! or blame situation instead of trying. If you wanna get something don't complain, make some effort! If you make a mistake, conscious and learn! If somebody hurt you, be stronger! we are stunning with this people opinion. afraid to do something because of unsignifican temporary judgement. If you know you doing a right thing, then why so afraid of what they say. It's your once life, it's completely your right how you gonna live it.the funny is I always want to help people being better, or try to understand people, or learn from others, but them who doesn't even ever talk with me tell that I am mean. oke, just because I make this photo with this bow now call me unmature, and because I fight for my dream alone, when everybody busy doing their job they even don't want and being with somebody they even don't love, now call me cocky. people who doing bad acts is just them who are insecure of themselves. example: If I said negativity about you it means I have problem with myself, same if you say negativity about me or someone else, or even just think negative. and as at now I'm gonna fight my blood for my own believe and my destiny. It's completely your right to laugh if I'm screw. but if I'm succeed then what you gonna do? If someday you gonna write some book, then what are you doing now with that ball? take a pen. or take the ball and be a basketball player. we learn from our mistakes. and that always so will be, never afraid to do some mistakes. world is not even end whether you have smashed your jaguar.never wait for perfection. perfection doesn't exist. do it now and fix it as it goes.
finni xoxo

Until You Brave Enough To Tell Me The Truth

"The thing I understand is that we were met when I was very young, when I'm still not certain who I was, when I was very love you, and for some makeable reason I get that pain, and that pain which creates me, so I'm thankyou for that, and if you are a man, you might be understand of what I feel over the year, the way I put your happiness before mine, just because I think it's precious, so I wonder would you think I'm precious, or for you I'm just same with all the mannequine you could find on the streets. cause if it's so that all I'm think about that you have a soul was wrong, and I have no reason to keep that faith on you. cause it's the one which I thought you might have, the one which makes you special, or maybe I just wrong".

If you don't know who I'm talking about, the way we understand in words we never say might be just my illusion.
and I'm the loser and you're the winner, so congratulation for that.my favorite romantic movies

All I Wanna Do Just To Make You Smile

hei thanx for opening my blog :)
I call it fierce journal because I think our life is fierce (in a good way, precious like diamond)
simple things I found in everyday life, we start everything from simple thing first right?
I ever read some quotation in book: how make ordinary people have some extraordinary life, is the same way with how extraordinary people living their ordinary live. this quotation inspire me enough.
sometimes no matter we are smile and laugh, we do not show that we cry inside. for that reason if there is only one people like to read my blog, turn their tears into smile for me it worth everything.

so, nice to meet you new friends,
finni xoxo

Love is What I Have, Love is What I Rode

there is some people born lucky some other born to work hard. i guess i'm the second. hehe I wasn't born rich, so I should work to get everything that I want, every pair of shoes or clothes or bag. just never blaming situation to not to do something. we've got our brain and our hand, it's enough. it's value couldn't be trade by money. what if someone over you a million dollar to cut your hand? I guess you resist. we could find money, but we could not pay to have a soul. I can see you've got my point.
humm right now I'm addicted to Panic! at the Disco single from Jennifer Body's soundtrack : New Prespective, can't hear it enough. I love new perspection in the fact. I love something new, situation, mind, attitudes. doesn't we life to improving? I don't think settled in the same condition for a long term is a good thing. here if you wanna check the song and here for download.can you see alice in wonderland idea in their art album? obviously I love it.
for me their lyrics full of moral message, and I have a huge interest of moral message and live quotes, haha. I do believe it.

improve to be better
-finni xoxo-

Sometimes When You Think You Lost Everything That You've Got is Good, Because You Could Totally Start Something New

do you ever think I'm a careless and judging person? well you must try to have some conversation with me.
you might be meet the most close minded girl you'll ever met, just kidding, haha.
I like to see the world from peoples eyes, it's the best way to understand how they think. you just need to watch and listen and that's how you will understand. no need judge or siding, there is no wrong or right thing, there is just different point of view.
I never understand why people really like to talk lies or fake. I hate it so much. I really did. why you are lying when in the end you will telling the truth? because lying doesn't make you happy. lies makes you guilty. the risk of telling the truth is few the risk of telling lies is uncountable. so there sometimes I really mad when people lies or hiding something from me. I could accept the truth well, why they supposed to tell lie? it's really doesn't necessary. I spend my life avoiding lying, there is thousand pleasant way to tell some truth.
some art pictures by Andy Warhol, he such an artist, I'm in love with them,
finni xoxo

Let Just Say We We're Met When I Was Young

the starshill, for me it's such a beautiful place, you understand when you are believe of dream, reach the peak and finally found a lights was always worth.
what's the meaning of love? I just know that I'll be glad to sing this song to the one I love. haha JT, it doesn't happen so many times to me, I'm not easy to fall in love, I just got the idea that it should be sincere and faithful.
just be careful sometimes love can turn firm into confused, smart into dumb. a weakness of woman is love, a weakness of a man is a woman.
well I don't need any reason just to fallin in love with you, teddy bear.
love doesn't need any reason I guess,

I'm listening to owl city right now, what's on your playlist?
finni xoxo

The Spirit Fill Me Up Again In The Ceiling

the easier way to get over problem or mistake is to pretend like nothing happen, when deep down in your heart you know that it's wrong.
do you think it's the right thing? i can hear your heart says no.

i like to think about problems, i like to think about it too much, so i could find positive side that i could use to be better. sometimes i miss problem when my life goes normal. is not normal things which could make u strong, problem did.

i have this believe that: God sent us any people, any moment, any situation with a secret message. only smart people who could see it. and i always curious when something happen to me, i always questioning myself: "what likely God means sent me this thing?". don't get me wrong, whatever reason it is i believe it must be something good. so i could think about it and help me upgrade myself.

do you ever hear about this: ur life qualities depends on the way you think.
your mind is magic.enough enough enough, anyway....... look at this coffee, cute huh? very peaceful.

anyway do i have told you i've been sick for 3 days? can't do nothing except lying in my bed and eating pills? haha..
it worst! i've never been sick.
you know what? maybe it's because i have spirit and mind which always work. do you know why people die? because they lost their spirit, and their mind doesn't work anymore.

but yesterday, i feel lost my spirit and blam, i get sick. something happen to me that makes me feels like give-up. never give-up! once u did it, u die. if u want quit, quit. but don't give-up.
but it's not me if i don't think about it and craving for positive side to be better, haha...
then i found this:
it's not the pills that makes u heal, it's the spirit that makes u take the pills.life without spirit is same as dead ladies and gentleman

* quit: is finaly realize that it's not what u really want, then leave.
give-up: u know what u want but u don't have any gut to fight for it.
there is very big different (jangan membohongi dirimu sendiri tentang ini)

au revoir
-finni xoxo-

Once Again You Cure Me Hunny

I met you my vaccine you hurt me but you imune me once againI have lot of faith, spirit, trust, but some way I found the world rougher than i tought.
it found it ways to hit my faith.
but life without faith? what was that means? nothing.
suspicious life wasn't pleasant at all. pretend, lies, fake was so tiring.
we've got our own way to life, we've got our own choice to choose.
I choose truth, I hate pretend. if there is something i should pay for it.. then so be it.
I am actually hassled to my self. i always think, bagaimana menghadapi dunia dengan cara yg paling benar. and I become someone I don't know. someone not me. and that was the bigest mistake anyone. untuk menghadapi dunia dengan cara yg paling benar adalah dengan menjadi dirimu sendiri. trust me.
but it doensn't mean u could be totally jerk. your heart will tell what's the appropriate and not-appropriate to do. here I am saying sorry to everyone for mistakes that I have made. sorry for the bad words. sorry for the bad act. but anyway that's part of my path to becoming who i am right now. please use it wiseful for your life, I'll be very thankful for that.
humm.. I am so much in love with the 70's right now, it was more classy, back to that times there are more art, today everything just filled up with fancy purses, to much bling-bling. I want a photos like this...not to mention the ballet... haha
so what things get your interest into?
finni xoxo